So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
