I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
