I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
