I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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