watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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