Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
