So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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