it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
