Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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