i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
bring money and cleavage
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
