are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
