The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
