You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
