No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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