Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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