Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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