I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
