just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
