It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You can't special order awesome
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
