Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
