All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
