Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
