I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
