Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
