Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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