She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
