she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
