is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
