I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
