theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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