she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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