Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The air taste purple.
Randomize
