I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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