She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
