OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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