While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
