The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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