It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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