I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
