Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
