Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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