They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
