Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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