hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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