he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
