watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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