Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
