no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
