apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
