I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
