she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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