Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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