There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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